The Hangover Quotes – Fat Jesus Edition [MOVIES]

I’ve been talking about The Hangover with pretty much everyone that has seen it, and going over the funniest lines from the film…I quickly realized that most were courtesy of, or worked because of dialogue provided be the character Alan Garner aka Fat Jesus aka Zach Galifianakis

So without any further ado, and in no particular order the memorable quotes:

Alan: I’d like to…I’d like to say something…something I prepared. Tonight…

Hello,

How about that ride in? I guess that’s why they call it Sin City (hahaha)

You guys may not know this, but I consider myself…a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So were two…so there was two of us in the pack. I…I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later.

And 6 months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys. I thought…wait a second, could it be. And now I know for sure, I just added 2 more guys to my wolf pack. 4 of us wolves running around the desert together, in Las Vegas looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, we make a toast!

Phil: Alan you’re the man!
Alan: You are too Phil.

Alan: Can I ask you a question, do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan: I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.

Phil: We should come back next week, take the whole city down.
Alan: Oh, I’m free next week
Stu: Or we can just focus on getting Doug back. Right now!
Alan: Oh you know what, next week is no good for me. The Jonas brothers are in town. But any week after that is totally fine.

Mr. Chow: I had 80 thousand dollars inside! And this one, nothing!
Alan: Hey! There are skittles in there!

Stu: Why are you peppering the steak?! You don’t know if tigers like pepper.
Alan: Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.

Stu: Eww Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
Alan: Yes

Stu: She is wearing my grandmother's Holocaust ring.
Alan: I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.

Stu: What’s on your arm?
Phil: What the fu*k?
Stu: Jesus, Phil you were in the hospital last night?
Phil: I guess so…
Alan: Are you okay?!
Phil: Yeah Alan, I’m fine!

Alan: The “Doug” were looking for is a white.

Alan: Hahahaha driving drunk! Classic! Hahahaha

Alan: Can you ask you another question…
Lisa: Sure..
Alan: You probably get this a lot, this isn’t the real Caesar's Palace is it?... Read More
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan: Di..uh..did Caesar live here?
Lisa: No.
Alan: Didn’t think so.

Phil: You’re not really wearing that are you?
Alan: Wearing what?
Phil: The man purse…you’re actually going to wear that? Are you guys just fuckin with me?
Alan: This is where I keep all my things. I get a lot of compliments in this, plus it’s not a man purse. It’s called a satchel, Indiana Jones wears one.

Alan: Hahaha Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?

Stu: So…ah, you sure you’re qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan: What are you talking about, I’ve found a baby before.
Stu: You’ve found a baby before?!
Alan: Yeah!
Stu: Where?
Alan: Coffee bean.
Stu: Wait…what?

Alan: Gambling? Who said anything. It’s not gambling when you know you’re going to win. Counting cars is a fool-proof system!
Stu: It’s also illegal!
Alan: It’s not illegal, it’s just frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
Phil: I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too.
Alan: Yeah maybe after 9/11 where everybody gets so sensitive. Thank a lot Bin Laden!

Stu: Oh my god! You just nailed the baby!
Alan: Are my glasses okay?!
Stu: Your glasses are fine. Dick!

Phil: Alan, you okay?
Alan: Im just worried. What if something happened to Doug, something bad!
Phil: Ah come on, you can’t think like that.
Alan: What if he’s dead. I just can’t afford to lose anybody close me again. It just hurts too much, I was so upset when my grandpa died.
Phil: Oh I’m sorry, how did he die?
Alan: World War 2
Phil: Died in battle?
Alan: No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War 2

Alan: Whoa! I’m with you I’m with you!
Mr. Chow: You gonna fu*k on me?!
Alan: Nobody is gonna fu*ck on you! We’re on your side! I hate Godzilla…I hate him too! I hate him, he destroys cities! Please! This isn’t your fault, I’ll give you some pants!